"You used Jay again?"

Prithvi's voice sliced through Yuvaan's bedroom. His fists were clenched, as he glared at his younger brother. 

However Yuvaan was unfazed.

He was seated in the plush chair near the window, one leg crossed over the other, swirling red wine in a glass. A half-empty bottle sat nearby, untouched since he poured it. He lifted the glass and sipped it casually, staring at his dreamy, reflection at the rim. He set it down on the windowsill beside him and turned to his brother with a flat, almost bored expression.

"I merely said what I saw."

"You left out what you saw accurately," Prithvi muttered, stepping forward.

Yuvaan shrugged and watched his wine glass with an airy smirk. "Wouldn't have been as fun, would it?"

Prithvi's nostrils flared. God. Nothing infuriated him more than Yuvi's... insouciance. Particularly when his actions involved others.

"You used Jay to twist this entire thing. Harsh is seventeen, Yuvi. You panicked him just for... fun?"

The smirk on Yuvaan's face dropped.

"Please," he muttered, turning to him with a bitter scoff. "Don't act like you're the guardian angel here. We all know sainthood doesn't suit you of all people."

Prithvi stilled, his throat bobbing as he failed to retort. 

"Cat got your tongue, bhai?" Yuvaan's mouth twisted into a cold smirk. "Stop playing god, then."

"That's not the point," Prithvi sighed. "Why did you involve bhai in it? You or I could have handled the situation better."

"How's that my problem? Ask you beloved twins." Yuvaan shrugged. "Your lovely Jay ratted him out to bhai. How am I responsible for his stupidity?"

"Wait, didn't you convince him to rat about Harsh specifically to bhai?" Prithvi raised a brow, arms crossed.

"No." Yuvaan frowned.

Prithvi rubbed between his brows. "Well... that's very stupid of him then."

"Honestly, not a shocker. Now, leave my room." Yuvaan pushed off from the chair and walked towards the shelf of records, half-humming to some tune.

Prithvi uncrossed his arms and turned to leave the room as he realized Yuvaan wouldn't talk anymore. He quote of speaking to him was over. However, just as he was about to walk out of the room, his eyes caught a weird tic as Yuvaan was subconsciously rubbing the base of his throat with his thumb.

It was the same habit Yuvaan had grown when he would chain-smoke in his teens until he was hospitalized for a severe asthma attack.
He had always done it when smoke irritated the back of his throat.

Prithvi froze, watching the room for any signs of what his heart dreaded the most. The window was cracked open just a little to allow enough breeze, even though the air conditioning was on.  Yuvaan froze when he caught Prithvi noticing his hand, and he dropped it by his side.

"What are you still doing here? Leave."

Prithvi's chest tightened so painfully as if someone was stabbing him right through it. He couldn't believe after a whole year of staying clean... of that horrific experience, Yuvaan would willingly traverse down that path.

"Yuvaan," he said sharply. "Are you smoking again?"

Yuvaan looked up, irritated. "You're imagining things."

Prithvi took a step forward. "Where is the pack?"

Yuvaan stepped back. "What pack? Have you lost your mind?"

"Don't lie to me." His eyes searched around the room, until they landed on the desk drawer.

Yuvaan blocked his path the moment he caught his older brother's eyes stilling in that direction. 

"My life is not your PR chance." Yuvaan snapped. "You don't get to fix me just because you're trying to fix your own shattered image!"

"This isn't about me!" Prithvi glared, storming past Yuvaan and pulling open the desk drawer. He was already halfway through the side table, then the shelf. His face was taut, though his hands betrayed his calm as they were shaking.

"Stop acting like bhaiya! You can never be like him. How can you look at yourself in the mirror after killing him, you murderer!"

Prithvi froze at the words. His eyes closed for a brief moment as he inhaled to calm his raging emotions. If he tried to clear his own name, so much would come crumbling down. 

Yuvi wasn't ready for that. Even if he pretended to be.

As soon as Prithvi opened his teary eyes, they landed on a pack of cigarettes peeking out from between a stack of old sketchbooks.

He held it up wordlessly and turned around with glinting eyes. Yuvaan froze.

He smiled. "Scream all you want. I'd rather be your villain, than stand back and watch you die," he gritted and brutally crushed it in his fist, his face grim.

"Maybe you have forgotten the hospital," he continued, his voice turning hoarse from the tears he was restraining. "I haven't. You had stopped breathing, Yuvi. For a moment, all of us had lost ho-hope. I thought I was going to lose you too," he whispered.

He dropped the crushed pack into the silver dustbin beside the bed and didn't say anything more as walked away. It wasn't the first time Yuvaan had torn apart his heart and forced him to mend it on his own.

Yuvaan gritted his teeth, his fists clenching and unclenching in frustration.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Why couldn't Prithvi be just... despicable for once?

***

Prithvi sat at his desk, staring back at the white screen. The blue light painted tired shadows under his eyes, the faint reflection of his screen dulling his gaze. Eight years, and the stubborn ache refused to ebb. It had only grown hollow with time. He was used to the bitterness aimed at him, the blame, the sharp words, but they never ceased stinging any less. Every time Yuvaan blamed him, it became a reason stronger to hold onto his grief and guilt. Pretending it was his was better than letting his brother undergo the same agony. But even, he sometimes, was it worth it? Was he making a mistake by hiding the truth?

Their family had started to drift apart since eight years ago. Or maybe they were never together. Maybe the only tie that was holding them together was their bhaiya... because who could possibly hate Yuvraaj Viraj Rajvansh? The powerful sun that illuminated everyone's world with his words alone, and shielded them from a darkness they were too young to overcome on their own. Their mother had been preoccupied with politics and media. She wanted the best for her son, especially her eldest son—their bhaiya. Their dad had passed away eleven years ago. In his absence, their mother had to fight for her place in the royal family, the Queen Mother and their uncle, even if she had birthed the crown prince. She could neither spare them her love nor her time. Prithvi and his siblings never complained. But deep down, it quietly ached. 

Their family had strains they didn't know how to bypass until their bhaiya taught them. He struck the perfect balance between the two worlds—the one that was in the past and the one that was their future.

Yuvaan is right. Prithvi could never be like their bhaiya. Their bhaiya brightened the world. He didn't dim it. Unlike Prithvi.

His fingers itched to press onto the keyboard, to let his feelings pour out, but he knew he couldn't do injustice to his work. His three years of hard work didn't need his emotional volatility. He needed to be levelheaded. But he didn't know how. All he knew was that if he fell apart, everything else would too. With a new brother stuck in the crossfire of their world, he didn't have the luxury to be weak.

He had to be strong.

The door creaked open softly, and Kshitish slipped in.

Prithvi forced the faintest smile, his lips curling only slightly, as he swiveled in his chair to face his baby brother.. "Why are you up past your bedtime?" he mused.

Shay smiled back, a lopsided grin spreading across his face. "I came to wish you good night."

"Thank you." Prithvi's voice softened. He nodded as he turned back to his screen, pretending to focus, but his brother's eyes were glued to him, watching with the quiet concern he always carried.

Shay's gaze lingered on him, noting the faint lines under his eyes, the slightly furrowed brow that didn't quite fit the 'everything's fine' mask. He knew something was off.

"What happened? Bhai is still upset with Harsh?"

Prithvi shook his head almost imperceptibly, his eyes briefly closing as if even that action drained him. "No, in fact, it went better than I expected. It's... I'm fine. Tomorrow's college. Go to sleep now."

Shay groaned at the mention of his college classes, his face scrunching in mock irritation. "I don't want to," he complained, head tilting slightly. "Can't you convince Agni bhai to let me off the hook? I don't want to interact with anyone. I learn better when I'm alone."

Prithvi pursed his lips, his posture slightly stiffening with a mix of concern and disapproval. "You have to learn socializing, Shay."

"I know socializing. Just because I'm an introvert doesn't mean I don't know how to converse with other people. I can manage just as fine as Jay, even though he's an extrovert."

"I said, no. There's a thing known as discipline and practice." Prithvi's tone was firm, but beneath it, there was a gentleness. "When you insisted on having more days off than acceptable, we agreed. Now, you have to show up at some point, right? You hardly show up once a month at college. We can't be more lenient than that."

Shay watched Prithvi's face instead, his expression softening as he picked up on the tiredness. "Fine. How deep are you in your book?"

"Thirteen chapters more to go, at minimum. I haven't figured it out yet. I can barely type a paragraph before my mind drifts off." Prithvi exhaled heavily, his fingers resting idly on the desk for a moment. "I think I'm losing my original vision."

Shay nodded absentmindedly, his brow furrowing at what his brother had said. He didn't know much about writing since he was a biology major, but if his brother was saying he couldn't figure it out, then the problem must be difficult to solve. He crossed his arms lightly and glanced at the screen with boredom.

Prithvi withdrew his fingers from the desk, shoulders slumping with his own unbearable misery. He couldn't pretend anymore as his gaze grew distant, his mind far from the here and now as he replayed what happened an hour ago.

Shay watched him, his eyes shifting to read the weight of his brother's emotions, sensing the unsaid pain. The tiredness on his face had worsened, and Shay knew the culprit. "That's Yuvi bhai, isn't it? He must have said something hurtful again."

Prithvi's gaze sharpened with frustration. His mouth tightened into a thin line, but he swallowed it down. "Whatever it is," he said firmly, "it is between us. You're the youngest. Don't get involved in things that will drain you." He patted the side of Shay's arms gently.

Shay stiffened for a moment, but then relaxed. His gaze fell, shoulders sagging just a bit. He sighed softly.

"...second youngest," Shay corrected after a pause.

Prithvi searched his face, eyes softening.

Shay exhaled, running a hand through his hair, his gaze distant as he struggled to reconcile his new reality.

"I... I can't believe he was there all along while we-" he hesitated, feeling the weight of that realization. "Imagine, bhai. He could have been a part of us since the beginning. Imagine an alternate universe where I wasn't the youngest. Growing up, I'd get to boss around like the way you all did me. I'd have been—"

"Wait, boss around?" Prithvi chuckled softly.

Shay groaned, his voice tinged with playful exasperation. "Yes! You all were smothering me with your overprotectiveness. Instead of me, it would have been Harsh," he continued with twinkling eyes, a mischievous grin tugging at his lips. "The only downside is that he'd have been bhaiya's most favorite. Only on that account, I'm letting it go."

Prithvi's heart flickered with regret, a pang of loss gnawing at him. The life they could have had, the family that could have been...

His chest tightened as memories of Harsh's pained eyes resurfaced. He swallowed hard.

Their family could had so much more, Prithvi realized.

His eyes turned sterner the instant that thought crossed his mind. "Shay."

Shay's mood dropped immediately, sensing the shift in his brother's tone. "Yes, bhai?"

Prithvi's face became stern. "Don't fantasize."

Shay frowned, brow knitting in confusion.

Prithvi inhaled deeply, his chest rising and falling with the weight of the words he was about to say. "Don't wish for things you can't have. It will only hurt you. This is our reality, sunshine. Imagining anything else will hurt you because when you will wake up to the present, it won't be there. You'll miss what wasn't there. It'll break your heart." His shoulders sagged. "Cherish your present. Live it, okay?"

Shay watched him closely, his eyes searching his brother's face. His shoulders drooped, the disappointment evident as his lips drew into a thin line. 

"I know," he spoke quietly.

Prithvi regretted saying those words, the harsh truth. But it was the truth. Even though Shay was too young to carry that weight sooner, he knew accepting unwelcomed truth earlier was better broken dreams. Watching his baby brother's face fall left a lump in his throat. He hated it, but it was the only way.

Wanting to lighten the mood, he decided to redirect Shay's thoughts. "What is your twin up to now?"

Shay rolled his eyes, the playful glint returning. "That idiot is not my twin. I refuse to believe he and I were one zygote once."

Prithvi smirked, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly as he leaned back, pointedly looking at him. "You came later."

Shay crossed his arms as he scoffed. "Are you saying I copied his genetics? Please bhai, everyone knows who has superior genes." His gaze softened as he continued, "But seriously, what happened with Harsh? Did Agni bhai go too far? I can't believe that idiot snitched about Harsh to Agni bhai of all people. Bhai can be monstrous."

Prithvi sighed, his face softening with a quiet exhale. "It's not that bad."

Shay raised a brow. "Define 'bad'."

Prithvi smiled faintly, the edges of his lips curling slightly. "Well, for starters, he wasn't kicked out onto the lawn."

Shay involuntarily grimaced, his nose wrinkling at the memory of the one and only time he had been kicked out into the cold winter night for their prank on the chef. He and his twin had exchanged salt with pepper containers because they wanted the chef to be fired for not making pizza for them. Unfortunately they were caught. 

As a consequence, Agni bhai literally hauled them up by their collars and dropped them on the frigid lawn with winter dew clinging to the grass. Let's say... they had to survive the whole night in each other's arms, something which grossed them out later in the morning. It wasn't anything dangerous since they had winter clothes on, but they couldn't sit anywhere in the foggy, damp area!

They wandered the whole night like some stray dogs.

"That's... a good news then."

"Not really. I'm sure bhai is devising some other creative punishment."

Shay winced. "Yikes. But it's not like we can save him. He brought it upon himself."

Shay glanced at the digital clock, then threw his arms around Prithvi in a quick, tight hug. "Good night, bhai. I'm getting late."

Prithvi smiled warmly, patting his back as he let him slip away. "Night, sunshine." His eyes followed Shay for a moment, before his mask dropped.